Do these examples sound a lot like you? Are you forever doing things for others, so much so, that sometimes you can’t even get the things you need to get done at home or at work?
At work, are you the go to person? Do you often find you are doing the job of two or three people? Do you find it next to impossible to say no to people? For example – someone might ask you to do something – and the word yes flies out of your mouth quicker than a race car leaving the starting point of the race.
What I mean here, is that you have automatically said yes so fast, that you haven’t even had a chance to process anything you are supposed to be doing yourself. And then, after you have said yes to the other person (metaphorically speaking) do you have a bruised ankle, because you are kicking yourself so hard – because you know you have said yes to something you REALLY don’t want to do – and on top of that you have the time or the resources to help the other person without casting your own plans aside.
Yet somehow making a choice to put your needs first simply isn’t an option. In fact, putting your needs first, isn’t even on your radar. And alongside this are you very often in a state of overwhelm, because there simply aren’t enough hours in the day for you, and this generally leads you to feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed on a daily basis.
Do you ever wonder what life would look like for you, if only you could find a way to just say no to others? Because if you take a bird’s eye view of your life, hopefully you will recognise this, when you are saying yes to others, what you are continually doing, is saying no to is yourself.
You are saying no to your own plans, and no to your own hopes and dreams. I say this because you’re probably so busy being a part of helping others reach theirs. In fact, you figure so little in your life, being so busy existing to please others, you’re equally saying no to your own mental health. Which puts you in a constant state of overwhelm and ironically your stress may be affecting the quality of your home life and your career or business.
So here is my question for you – who in your life is dropping everything to please you?
Probably no one, right?
What you have been doing subconsciously, is living by a very rigid set of rules which result in casting your own needs and wants right out of your life in order to be self-sacrificing to serve others. You may have beliefs such as my needs don’t matter, everyone comes before me. I must please everyone, I must always have other’s approval.
Living like this can feel almost like you’re trapped in a prison you feel you can never get out of. You’re so busy being what you think others need you to be, and you never get to be you, you never get to share your true thoughts or feelings because you are always trying to avoid conflict.
The good news is, the key to get out of the prison has been in your pocket all along my friend, and the reason I share this with you is because I myself was very much like this for a large part of my life, and it certainly didn’t serve me. There was no ‘me’ as such in my life.
Ironically, not everyone I have ever counselled or coached, but certainly a large majority of my clients who have these personality traits tend to end up in toxic relationships (and certainly myself included).
These are predominantly the type of relationships where you find you give, give and give of yourself, and just like a hand going into a glove you keep on (unconsciously of course) ending back up at the same place, with partners who just take and take.
These relationships are highly toxic, particularly so, if your partner tends to be always right no matter what, and according to your partner, you are always in the wrong. Your partner may have a rage that literally goes from 0 – 100 in seconds. They may also be highly critical of you, and forever putting you down, speaking to you with disdain and contempt. They may often create situations in which they are the persecuted one, and sit back innocently, and pretend they are the victim of your actions, in order to portray you as the instigator of the event using character assassination, to fool others in to believing you are a bad person.
Equally, they will tend to try and turn your family and friends against you, either by making up lies, or by twisting the truth slightly. They may also gaslight you into thinking you are going crazy.
And you will know this is you, if you are left feeling worthless, and you have been brainwashed into believing everything is your fault, and that it is YOU that is the problem. If this is you, I am here to tell you now, you are NOT the problem at all.
I started up a Facebook group for victims of Narcissistic Abuse over a year ago. However, unfortunately I never really advertised it, and there were only ever a handful of people in it, so it didn’t really take off.
What I am thinking this time is, if you are really interested in joining the group – and I have enough people who are genuinely interested in being an active part of the group – then I would absolutely love to start it back up. The reason for this is I have an absolute passion for helping people pleasers and victims of narcissistic abuse having been through this horrendous experience myself.
If you would find joining this FB group helpful, please can you get as many of your friends as possible to share this video in order for us to have enough people to get the group up and running and for you to have the help and support you really need. And if you want to join the group – please don’t forget to hit the like button.
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